tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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