Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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