I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
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You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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