You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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