A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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