im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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