He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize