no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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