I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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