she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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