your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize