Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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