Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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