i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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