Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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