Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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