So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize