I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i don't like sucking hair
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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