you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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