he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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