I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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