Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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