Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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