Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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