Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize