absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize