If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Randomize