haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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