I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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