So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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