I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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