I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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