I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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