I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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