Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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