I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize