if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sex in a hospital.. check
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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