She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize