kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize