Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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