I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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