Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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