This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize