my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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