i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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