p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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