Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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