While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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