Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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