She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize