i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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