One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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